Question: I had an arranged marriage in August this year. Everything looked good until we went for our . On the very first day of our trip, I discovered that my shares our with his friends. In fact, he has a huge friend circle and he brags about our sex life. He even shares every minute detail about it and I am obviously not comfortable with it. Is not this an immature attitude? I tried talking to him but he scolded me for not being liberal. He even asked me to mind my own business.
Whether it is his all-boys Whatsapp group, or female friends, he still discusses our personal things with them. I am very irritated with his irresponsible behaviour and talking to him is not helping out. Is there any solution to this problem?- By Anonymous
Response by Rachana Awatramani: A marriage is a union of two people as partners sharing life together. Usually couples feel very happy and excited initially and assume that everything is ideal in the relationship ignoring the personal difference amongst each other. After few days of living together one starts to understand each other and see the real behaviour, habits and personality of the partner. One of the common realisation is about the bond they share with their family and friends.
I understand that you are feeling uncomfortable as your partner shares personal details and your sex life with his friends. Talking to him is clearly not helping you therefore I would suggest you to ask him and understand what are his expectations from you and this relationship. Later you can share your expectations with him. You both can work on this together and create some ground rules for this relationship.We cannot judge whether his behaviour is immature or no as he might be feeling comfortable talking to his friends about his life.
One needs to understand that in a marriage both partners come from a different background, different values and upbringing. Therefore you both can find a middle ground by discussing with each other. You can also seek guidance from a marriage Counselor who can help you come to common grounds.
You also mentioned that he scolded you and asked you to not interfere in his life. In this case you could tell him that‘s it‘s both your life and you both are equally responsible to work on it. There will be certain things that he might want from you and vice versa. To make a marriage successful both need to invest and work on the challenges that arise. This is an initial adjustment issue in a relationship but if worked together will just pass as a phase.
-Ms Rachana Awatramani is a Counselling Psychologist in Mumbai
Want expert advice for your relationship? Send us an email at expertadvice.toi
Get latest news & live updates on the go on your pc with . Download The for your device.